occasional opinionated thoughts from an app store curmudgeon
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Exclusive: Android ‘Jelly Bean’
Chris Ziegler:
Update: We’re hearing from another well-regarded source that Jelly Bean is in the running for the name, but that the choice hasn’t yet been finalized by Google; for what it’s worth, the pickings are fairly slim for desserts with “J” names, so Jelly Bean seems like a solid choice.
LOL on so many counts. An “exclusive” story on the name “Jelly Bean” that needed an “update” so perhaps it’s not so “exclusive”.
Wake me up when they get to “S” in the nomenclature. My vote will be for: Shit Sandwich.
parislemon: What Needs To Be Said
All day, I kept telling myself I shouldn’t say anything. Then I realized: what the fuck? Be honest.
I found Paul’s post tactless. And I found Erick’s response inappropriate. Perhaps both are fitting given the entire clusterfuck that is this situation. But both are also quite sad.
Many of you…
Google just had uncomfortable unprotected sex with you
This is not a good time to be an Androi OEM. Between growing patent pressure and licensing fees and now first party hardware from Google via their acquisition of Moto.
HTC and Samsung must be thinking what the fuck?
And Android just became a very expensive OS to make hardware for.
Typical Android Blog Daily Posting Schedule
6:00am EXCLUSIVE First shots of newer version of an Android device you just bought
7:00am Insignificant update to Android OS rolling out to a device you have never heard of before
8:00am Significant Android OS update rumor that will never happen
9:00am Huge news: Outrage at news that an update to a usable Android OS version for a crappy Android phone no one bought is not going to be released
10:00am Yet another flawed study that there are more Android devices than iOS devices discussed in depth
11:00am Crappy Android app released, covering it because there are so few apps that are worth mentioning actually being released
12:00pm Rumor about a new Android OS version made up by a 12 year old in Holland published as absolute fact
1:00pm Another new Android device, newer than the one published about 6 hours ago is discovered on a Korean site
2:00pm In depth review of an old Android device (defined as released more than 3 days ago) — review is exactly like the last Android device
3:00pm Completely flawed editorial on why the Android tablets are going to outsell the iPad this year
4:00pm Report of another rogue Android app sending your personal info to servers in China
5:00pm Announcement of another new Android app store opening tomorrow
6:00pm Embargoed release: Another new Android tablet announcement, expected to sell in the dozens
App sales on shit apps
Putting your app on sale is a great way to increase sales. It’s also a great way to draw attention to the fact that your app sucks hard. Hire a designer you douche.
Seriously… This doodle shit has to stop.
Retina Ass Graphics
Upgrading your app with “Retina Graphics” isn’t going to help if the original looks like ass. Really, getting your cousin to do the graphic for your game because he’s got a B in art class in the 10th grade isn’t a design plan.
PC Programmers — There’s An Android In Your Future
So tired of iPhone apps that look like they were designed by PC programmers that haven’t updated their chops since 2001.
Look, this is a different world we live in now. Good looking, well designed apps belong on the iPhone. Crap without UX design and style belong on Android.
Get used to it.
Want to know the secret to getting attention for your app?
Make an amazingly great, fantastically designed, original app. Tell everyone you know about it. The press and community will soon catch on. If it doesn’t — perhaps it wasn’t as great as you’d hoped.
You know what the app store doesn’t need? Another crap game dressed up in the overused graphic style of the day, doodle.
Innovate or don’t muddy the waters with that crap.
If you are going to use my time by sending me PR, make it good. If I see a pitch email that includes “the best we can do” or mentions that an update is coming soon I put the address in my killfile. You get just one shot with most media outlets. Only come with your best shit or you waste my time and yours.
